If you have tried to change something and it didn't work out, now it is time to take a look at your mindset.
Many of us want to change in some aspects of our life. Some wants to pick up a new hobby, some wants to grow their impact at work, some wants to be healthier, some wants to grow their business faster.
But oftentimes, we don’t get to where we want. We may start to plan something, but retract back or postpone the next meeting or the phone call we need to do.
Why is it so hard to change? The answer is, in most of the time, the pain does not come from change itself, but from the cycle of wanting to change and avoiding to change. That's usually what consumes our energy and prevents the change.'
The cycle of avoiding change
So many of us find ourselves trapped in a familiar loop when it comes to change. Most of our experience with change (or lack thereof) looks like this:
Step 1. Decide to Change
We don’t like the status quo. We feel the pain. Remember the last time you were so motivated to do something? We start to do something. Read a book, take a course, buy a gym card, or maybe draft the first emails for your venture.. We feel good, we are doing something BIG!
We are excited, and we are forming a picture what might happen.
Step 2. Self Doubt
Now we feel a bit uneasy. Is this really for me? Am I doing the right thing? What if I fail? Maybe we should learn a bit more, maybe it is not the best time, maybe I am too busy right now, maybe, maybe, maybe.
So we start to talk ourselves out of it. Maybe the status quo is not that bad. After all, it pays the bills.
Now we feel relieved, and familiar. And familiar makes us feel safe, too.
Step 3. Stay Where We Are
Now we feel familiar and relieved. The core is, we want to feel safe. and familiarity make us feel safe. Don’t blame yourself — our brain is trying to protect us.
Step 4. Unsatisfaction hits again
But the situation has not changed. So after a while, the feeling of unhappiness kicks again. Now we start to dream a different future again. And this time, chances are, since we did do something, and did learn a bit more about how the dream life could look like, we are even more unsatisfied with our situation. So the cycle begins again…
How to break this cycle?
At some point, external or internal factors will break this cycle.
External factors can happen suddenly. They could be good or bad. It could be that you got laid off, or it could also be that the boss you hated left. But the point is, you have no control over it.
Or, YOU can break this cycle.
How? Shift your mindset in these three core areas. This is not quick tips that can magically work in one day. But if you put time to work, and make your old mindset shift even a little bit, you will find yourself getting into a quick growth phase that was not possible before, and it will lead to long lasting changes.
1. Start With Why
Dig deep to find out why you want this change. Not what your family or friends want, not what society wants, but figure out what YOU want. Be really honest with yourself. YOU can decide that you really enjoy playing the guitar, or painting, or taking on more responsibilities at work. Or, YOU may decide that you're just jealous of a friend, or you don't really enjoy managing so many people. That's OK. Both are great outcomes, because you can feel relieved and happy as long as your choices are truly YOUR choices.
Write your first “Why do I want that?” down and ask "So why do I want that?" five more times to really peel back the layers and discover your core desire. This self awareness is going to be your anchor; it keeps you focused when the things get tough.
Write your first “Why do I want that?” down and ask "So why do I want that?" five more times to really peel back the layers and discover your core desire.
2. Create Your Vision
After you've anchored your urge for change in a solid 'why', the journey continues as you paint a mental picture of this transformation in your life. Next, create your personal vision. Based on Merriam-Webster, vision is defined as “the act of power of imagination.”
Vision is defined as “the act of power of imagination.”
If you can create an image where you have changed, then you can motivate you to create a map to get there. It also tells you whether a step is moving towards bringing the vision to live, or not. For an in-depth exploration of how big dreams can fuel your growth and offer actionable steps to bring your vision to life, dive into this comprehensive article Dream Big Spurs Fast Personal Growth. Let it inspire you to create a vision that not only excites you but also propels you forward with purpose and passion.
3. Prepare for Feeling Uncomfortable:
Growth happens when you do things you do not master yet — And believe that you will master it one day. So get ready to step out of your comfort zone! You will feel the discomfort, so if you can prepare yourself beforehand, you will handle the situation much better when it really comes. Also - when we say handle the situation, we also want to handle the emotions that come with it - frustration, anxiety, fear. If you acknowledge that you will feel these emotions and feel pretty down at some time, and recognize this is part of the journey, you will recover much faster when these moments come.
Conclusion
Wrapping this up, the real deal with change isn’t about just wanting something new; it's a deep shift in how we think and approach our lives.
Sure, you’ve got to have a game plan. But here’s the thing - so many of us sketch out plans every year, only to watch them collect dust. Why does that happen? Because we skip the crucial step of really digging into our motivations, our deep-seated reasons that fuel the change.
So, as we look at breaking free from the cycle of wanting to change yet staying stuck, remember it’s not about monumental overhauls overnight. It’s about starting with that honest conversation with yourself about why you want to change, creating a vision, and preparing to feel all kinds of emotions when stepping out of your comfort zone. Let’s not just make plans; let’s make changes that stick, fueled by a clear understanding of our ‘why’.
Reflection:
Now, could you take a moment to really think about your 'why' and picture what your future looks like? What's one easy thing you can start with today to move towards that future? You're the key to breaking the cycle—go for it.
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